Your dad touched me again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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