My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
