why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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