whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
