I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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