I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
