we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
