I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
