I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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