I think I died a long time ago.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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