I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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