You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
