Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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