So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
