I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
