What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
