I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
