he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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