6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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