I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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