What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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