One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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