Ambien. No doubt about it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
