Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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