i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
