No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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