So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
