did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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