he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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