Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
