note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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