just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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