can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
