just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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