Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I want to fling myself into the sun
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
