It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
