You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
