He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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