i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
