If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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