another moral hangover. fuck.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
