I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
