Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
