She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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