**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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