Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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