All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
