who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think my tv is drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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