They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize