toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
