Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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