What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
