it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
