Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
