i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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