I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
