grandma shit on top of the toilet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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