Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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