Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
