Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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