I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
