for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
