I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
