Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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