there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
