we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize