Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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