Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
